well... it's been an interesting week.
Last Sunday, I got DUMPED.
Annnddd, as you know if you have ever been dumped, it sucks.
...I'm trying not to be too cliche about it.
At first, I was mostly angry. I didn't really understand the reasoning behind the breakup, and to me it came out of nowhere. Honestly, I was trying to push all of my feelings to MAD, so I didn't have to just feel crappy. And stupid. But then that came too. It was all in the ignorance of it, if only I understood what really had happened, maybe I could feel better, get closure or something. But I asked, and nothing changed. I didn't find out anything new really, but I did say some things I felt I needed to say. Still felt mostly like crap though.
But then I realized it's okay to hurt. And it will take a while for it to go away, but I don't have to mope about and wait to feel totally 100% better to go on with my life. So I got my heart broken, big deal, it happens to everyone. I refuse to sit around and wait for it to break more. Besides, my heart has a huge portion with everything else contained inside of it that is separate from him. And that part didn't break. Only that little part did. But that's okay.
HAPPY ENDINGS?
There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.
-Shel Silverstein
And, oh, my middle was happy.... And my start? Very happy too.
It is the end, but not the end of all.
Now, a gem of a song that has continued to ring true, especially through this week.
"I don't want to battle from beginning to end.
I don't want to cycle or recycle revenge,
I don't want to follow death and all of his friends."
So I move one. I hope for better. Later. I forgive.
I just... keep swimming.
ALRIGHTYYY,
So. This whole Kony 2012 stuff that everyone and their grandma has been posting all over Facebook and everyyythinng....
{quick fill in if you somehow have no idea what I'm talking about.
Basically, Joseph Kony is the leader of a violent rebel group called the LRA, who abducts children and forces them to fight, even kill their own families, and uses girls as sex slaves, all to "advance and keep power." They plague central Africa and were at some point, primarily in Uganda....
Horrid of horrors right? There is a video for a campaign to "Stop Kony" in the year 2012... }
Well, I didn't really understand all the hype at first. The first time I saw the link to the video, (or should I say about 10 links,) I also saw links to articles against the campaign, and the organization, Invisible Children, ~here out known as "IC"~ And to be perfectly honest, that is probably the only reason I was originally wary of the whole idea.
The video itself, Kony 2012, is in all reality pretty good. It's well made, with a good blend of the scary-stuff to make your heart ache, and the rally stuff to inspire you. It gives the vibe of an everyday-kinda-guy who has a perfectly adorable, very innocent, son who has the simplest of all answers to solve the horrors of Kony's reign, "Stop him." Oh yeah and the dude also has a big vision to make a difference.
As I was watching it, I kept thinking of the Vietnam war and all the hippie-protests for that and how awesome it would be for this generation to rise up against such a horrible injustice.
Then there's the articles against IC, and because I believe in knowing the whole story, especially when there's so many sides to it as with this story, I read quite a few. And believe me, these, weren't (at least not all,) hate blogs. They were very logical explanations and view points on why Invisible Children & Kony 2012 was a cause they were just not willing to support.
They consisted of many things,
-Improper use of funds by the IC,
-IC not getting their facts completely laid out when talking about the LRA's current location, and being "too late," that Kony wasn't such a threat anymore because he's hiding out possibly starving somewhere in the jungle, (to which I say, where does it matter where he is? I'm sure he's not oblivious to the raising awareness about his deeds and who's to say he won't suddenly come out of hiding and rise up again?
Well, you all can make your own decision about whether or not Invisible Children is a reputable organization and all that jazz,
But what really makes an imprint on me is Ugandan people themselves, a lot of them are not very fond of this campaign, they feel it makes Africa out to be the typical "in need" place,
"OH the great western hero is swooping in to save the poor Africans who can't save themselves,"
When in fact, there is apparently quite a bit of current stability. Take a look at this which has a video of a very well spoken young woman from Uganda who really seems quite offended by this whole deal.
I was ALMOST AGAINST INVISIBLE CHILDREN until I saw this video:
That's when I realized that it's not about the organizations, the blogs, the facebook groups. It's about bringing a horrible man to justice and letting so many people who've been horribly affected by him and the LRA, rest easy. Be at peace with the fact that they can't get them anymore... I realized that's the real goal.
People say, "There's so many other more prominent problems going on in Uganda other than the LRA... what about Nodding Disease?" WELL, when you start up an organization to combat Nodding Disease, (which is no doubt a serious issue,) let me know, and I will research it as much as I did this and probably support it. But until then, why not focus our attention on this issue? I would much rather see REAL things like this all over the media, as opposed to normally trendy things, like Kim Kardashian's wedding...
As for Invisible Children themselves as an organization, they seem ok to me, but I don't want to endorse or denote them.
But are you in it for now? Because you care, but once it's over you can go back to normal life? Or is this something you want to commit to, and really get involved... You decide.
First off, I have not posted in ALMOST AN ENTIRE YEAR. What the poo, right?? Sorry to all of my FIVE FOLLOWERS about that. I know you seriously had a hole in your life where my blog had been ;) I am making a seriously belated New Year's resolution to start blogging loads more.
ANYWAYS...
Today is Valentine's Day, the "day of love" ... dia de amor right?
Well I've been thinking all day and for the past few days actually,
how most of us automatically think of romantic type love as the resident love for Valentine's Day;
you know, the flowers, the chocolate, the cheesy hallmark card you could never write. The pressure to find the "perfect gift" for your significant other. [Most] single people whining, and constantly emphasizing how much they hate Valentine's Day and how pointless it is... There's all that material junk but aside from that, (which I could have a whole other rant about) I don't see why we just automatically think of romantic human love as the only love that counts on Valentine's Day! This shallow love that we rely so much on is not the only love there is.
{{before I go any further, let me just say, I'm not another bitter single person trying to find the perfect excuse for "being alone" on Valentine's, I actually have an amazing boyfriend of six months (today!:) *happy dance*}} BUT THAT'S IRRELEVANT.
BACK TO MY REAL POINT.
And yes, if you are truly in love with someone, by all means, go all out for them for Valentine's Day, whether that means flowers & jewelry or a mix CD or a trip to the Grand Canyon, for you and your other half, I don't know; whatever floats your boat.
But I can't help feeling like everyone is missing a HUGE point, (single or not) by ignoring all other kinds of love! What about everyone else that loves you!? Your best friend, your mom, your siblings, that kid you babysit, your dog (or cat!)
And not to mention the most incredible lover of all; GOD! He is the only One who will never ever ever leave you. (by the way, Him being always there has nothing to do with YOUR doubt.) His love is more pure, perfect and UNconditional than any of us broken weak humans could ever fathom. And that love remains no matter what you've done, or if you "don't believe in Him" .... that's what UNCONDITIONAL means.
So on this day that can seem crazy, sometimes nauseating and yes, very materialistic, don't forget about REAL love.
AND THAT'S WHAT VALENTINE'S DAY MEANS TO ME.
Have a great day and go have fun with EVERYONE you love.
So on the way back from my dad's for spring break, I saw this kid on the plane and... well just read on(:
We sit on the plane in the very back next to a kid probably 12 or 13 years old. I think nothing of him as my sister and I shuffle into the small airplane seats. About halfway through the flight, the boy, who has been staring out of the window this whole time, rushes a black binder out of his backpack with a picture of a grinning him and two, -I'm guessing- friends, slid into the clear front pocket and whips it open to a blank page of notebook paper. All of the sudden an overwhelming sense of curiosity grips me about what this unknown boy will do on the empty page. Draw the crop circles far below? Write some kind of poetic story about being high in the clouds? The longing to see his work, and the anticipation of what it will be, is intensely overpowering, and incredibly unexplainable. I take myself by surprise, but I can't help it. I didn't peg him as a poet- or for that matter a sketch artist either, with his skater shoes with no laces, cargo shorts, and baggy sweatshirt. But I almost want him to be one of these things, if just to prove me wrong. I can almost feel my eyes sparkling with excitement, and if you looked at me right now, I'm sure they would be. The suddenly mysterious kid stares intently out of the window with pencil in hand as I sneak a glance over his binder. I notice some papers labeled "Vocabulary" and after seeing that it says 7th grade, feel almost boastful at my good guess at age. I look away for just a second- why, I can't recall now- and when I look back the boy is just finishing writing no more than a sentence. His hand blocks the writing and I just catch a glimpse of his neat scrawl, without making out any words, before he closes the binder and shoves it back in his bag, leaving me dissapointed that the chance has left.
Be made of paper.
Be packed in with all the others.
Don't be scared to be bent. Or shoved in a pile of junk or a thick book.
Be prepared to adhere to anything. From shelves to refrigerator doors to chairs to pages.
Be a tattoo maniac. Get all inked up.
Be fearless; carrying on the legacy of the ones before you.
Be comforted in the fact you served your purpose, if (and when) you are sent to the shredder.
But most importantly,
Just keep sticking
so I basically completely redid my blog design and since I want to put some of my own photography and edited pictures on here (eventually!) I just decided to tell the world about my background image. I actually took this picture of a dessert rose plant/flower thing and if I may say so myself it was pretty cool. But then I edited the photo on picnik.com (I have no photoshop- yet) and so have the end product- the new background of this blog. And I quite like this effect that i used on here. It was called posterizing. so... yeah. cool i guess. (:
This poem kind of came by accident; I saw some tie-dyed duct tape and thought up the line "You bandage your cuts with tie-dye duct tape" and this poem was born. ALTHOUGH I do still very sincerely mean what I say in it because I have been a witness to these sort of goings-on. (: hope ya like it:
You bandage your cuts with tie-dye duct tape
To disguise the gory wounds
beneath the colorful sticky adhesive.
You patch together crumbling pieces
and seal on sticky strips
To fool others of the reality
of your falling apart.
You bandage your cuts with tie-dye duct tape
because you've fooled yourself
that I don't wonder what's underneath.
I discovered this poem through my writing class (as I usually discover poetry, etc.) and I love it. I think maybe because I was sort of the opposite; I couldn't wait to grow up. And sort of still can't (I cannot wait to finally be able to DRIVE!!:) but I am definetly realizing the responsibilities that come with getting older and occasionally miss the good 'ol days when i could throw my hair in a ponytail and play all day with the boys, but of course now that would probably be considered flirting- but I'll save that whole other entry for another time.
SO here it is- it's called "On Turning Ten" by Billy Collins:
The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I'm coming down with something,
something worse than any stomach ache
or the headaches I get from reading in bad light-
a kind of measles of the spirit,
a mumps of the psyche,
a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul.
You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.
At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.
But now I am mostly at the window
watching the late afternoon light.
Back then it never fell so solemnly
against the side of my tree house,
and my bicycle never leaned against the garage
as it does today,
all the dark blue speed drained out of it.
This is the beginning of sadness, I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.
It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.
Florence Welch... I mean this girl can SING! Florence and the Machine is yet another rad band that can really play. This vid is a lil strange, but what music video isn't? This song is one of my faves (:
"How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes, I struggle to find any truth in your lies" ... "Awake my soul, cuz you were made to meet your maker" - Such a beautiful song... This band is awesome, they sound just as good live as they do recorded, which is just amazing(: They rock. Legit.
